Who is your husband’s biggest fan? If you’re married, is it you?
When boys are growing up and playing sports, music, or chess..(whatever boys like to do) they look into the crowd and listen for the voice of the lady in their life. At that time, it’s their Mama. She smiles, takes pictures and tells them how amazing they are. She speaks words to him that breathe life into his soul. She tells him that she loves him to the moon and back. And he grows up believing her.
Then he gets married to a lovely woman.
While they were dating, she told him how great he was, how cute he was and how much she loved his smell. She couldn’t get enough of him and he loved every minute of it.
As his well-meaning wife, she probably continued doing some of those very same things. At an event she waves, smiles and takes a few pictures for their photo album. She asks him about his goals and dreams. She takes an interest in the things he likes and she’ll even ask about them from time to time.
He ages. He works a lot. He doesn’t smell quite the same. They have kids.
She gets annoyed of the things she used to laugh at and just wishes he would do more around the house to help.
She’s traded her admiration for disapproval. Rather than encouraging him to soar, she nags at him for being gone too much and not doing enough. He hears her loud and clear.
Remember that little boy who needed encouragement? He believed he could do anything because of the woman in his life? As his wife, you are that woman now. No, you’re not his mother, but you are the woman who can speak life-giving words that build him up or with another set of words, can tear him down.
I’ve never met a perfect husband, but I’ve also never met a perfect wife. In my home, my husband knows my deepest flaws and my deepest sins and he chooses to love me anyways. I also know his and I choose to love him. That’s part of what makes it so rich! We are fully known and fully loved. I want my voice to be the loudest one he hears-cheering him on, telling him he can still climb mountains and even that I love him to the moon and back.
I bet if we focused less on what our husbands could do for us and more on just loving and encouraging him, we’d actually see some of those issues go away. Or better yet, we could talk through issues in our marriage before they blow up and incinerate and we can’t stand being around each other.
In church ministry, we get the privilege of walking through lots of life with people. Sometimes, we don’t get invited in until decisions have been made and there’s “no turning back”. I often think if a couple had invited a counselor or someone to speak into their lives years ago when they were first having problems, how many marriages would be spared years of frustration, heartache and break-up. Everyone needs help from time to time. Some more than others, but every couple needs wisdom spoken into their marriage.
If your marriage feels healthy to you, you might read this and take the reminder to cheer your husband on and love him well. But if it’s not and you’ve been making a list in your head about all the issues you have with him while reading this blog, then may I encourage you to seek some help for your marriage?
While it might be easy to come up with a list of complaints about your husband, I want to remind you of one important thing: He is yours; list and all. You married him. You chose him and you committed to love him. And while the years have changed both of you, he is still yours. Yours to pray for, yours to communicate with and yours to love. And while you’re praying for him, you might also ask the Lord to reveal areas in your own life that need to be surrendered. Remember that verse about the plank in our own eye?
Everyone wants a cheerleader. Let your husband hear you loud and clear about your home life, the way he does his job and even his interests. Encourage him to grow, be a friend, and try new things. Don’t underestimate what your husband can do with you standing firmly and enthusiastically by his side. The “sky’s the limit” when he knows that whether he succeeds or fails, you’ll still be there with your pom-poms.